recommended parenting plans with teens

In part 4 of this series on recommended parenting plans we are discussing age appropriate parenting plans for teens (middle and high school age children 13-18 years old). Children of this age will want input in their parenting plans with visitation with each parent. A child may prefer more time at one home than the other, usually to avoid confusion for their friends but also to maximize convenience to self.

At this age, it is crucial to maintain consistent rules in both households such as curfews, telephone/computer time, acceptable activities and friends. It is good to start to allow teens to develop a healthy separation from the family however certain parental expectations should be met in BOTH households, even if the teen shows resistance. Examples would be simple consistent household chores (keeping their rooms clean, doing their laundry, etc.) and spending one night per week with each parent alone. This allows the parents to keep track of the child’s activities and friends as well as monitor the child’s developing identity.

Traditionally, teens think that they are ready to manage their own lives long before most of them actually are. They need continued guidance, firm rules and consistent consequences when rules are broken. When there are two households, teens can become very manipulative if parents don’t talk openly, talk often and provide consistent discipline with consequences. They may prefer to primarily reside in the more “lenient” household and this leaves them vulnerable to high risk behavior. It is also not unusual for teens to prefer to reside in the household of the parent of the same sex. What is most important is that both parents firming insist and support visitation time with both parents, regardless of where the teen primarily resides.

Close proximity of parents to each other is also very crucial. The best scenario is co-parent homes 15 to 20 minutes apart from each other, in the child’s same school district when possible. This not only enables ease of transition, but also enhances both parents ability to remain involved in all activities, school conferences, after school activities and spur of the moment opportunities. When one parent moves far away a child may feel alienated from that parent and the likelihood of continuing maximum advisable time with that parent may diminish as long driving times for transitions hinder ease of transfer.

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The post Recommended Divorce Parenting Plans for Teens (13-18 years Old) Part 4 first appeared on Divorce Mediation Center.