This workbook is a 13 session faith based therapy guide to help Divorcees process grief associated with divorce

For many the words “Christian” and “Divorce” seem to be completely incompatible. But to that, I argue that God does not endorse domestic violence, debilitating parental addictions that devastate spouses and children or chronic infidelity that threatens the health of faithful Christian Spouses.  So what is a Christian divorce? I divorced, and I believe that I have honored God by removing the danger and afflictions from my home, so that we can serve him.

God’s plan for a marriage is one that honors both spouses in a holy way. Judy Herman, Licensed Professional Counselor www.judycounselor.com agrees “God upholds the dignity, value and worth of each individual in the marriage. When the love, honor and cherish vows are continually broken, Christians need to be well-aware and prepared for the legal divorce process. Being pro-active with movement toward the four points laid out below may be exactly what’s needed for genuine transformation in the family. ”

So what is a Christian Divorce? It is one that has a minimal of conflict through the legal process. This is especially important for the entire family because a low conflict process sets the tone for a low conflict Co-Parenting relationship post divorce settlement.

In order for the process to be considered low conflict, both spouses agree to set their emotions aside and mediate a fair financial settlement and parenting plan that focuses on the children’s best interest. There are 4 steps to a low conflict divorce in this order.

Gather Financial Data:

It is imperative that both spouses share all family financial information including income, investments, savings, retirement, pensions, social security benefits and all current debts in order to adequately negotiate a fair system to divide one household into two. Seeking financial settlement alimony, child support and asset distribution recommendations from a CPA or Divorce Financial Analyst is an important step before engaging in negotiations. Divorce Attorneys cannot provide financial advice or recommendations, they are only licensed to practice law (i.e. file the divorce papers or litigate in court).

Mediate a Financial and Custodial plan:

A Counselor trained Registered Mediator (PhD, LPC, LFMT, LCSW) will have far better skills than a legally trained Mediator for an amicable low conflict mediation process. A fair financial plan takes into consideration how to minimize the expenses of the conversion of one household into two and maximize tax implications for both households. As long as there are children in the family the divorced family is still a “family” just a different structure. Why would the new structure want to punish one household over another financially? A fair custodial plan takes into consideration healthy parenting time with both parents. Many parents who pre-divorce spent little time with their children realize a beautiful opportunity to develop a more solid relationship post divorce during their custodial time. A fair custodial plan allows children to honor thy parents and Co-Parents to honor the other parent of their children.

Hire an Attorney to document the mediated agreement:

When the family mediates the agreement prior to securing counsel, they not only eliminate the opportunity for the legal process to create additional conflict but they greatly reduce the financial expense of the process. Families can save an average of $25,000-$50,000+ when they mediate first and later engage an Attorney to file the final paperwork.

Seek short term counseling/support groups for all family members:

As with any life-changing event there is a grieving process to divorce for every family member. Adults, adult children, teens and toddlers all grieve differently. It is important to seek professional help to face the grieving head-on and process it to minimize lingering negative emotions and enhance the rebuilding of hope and joy for the new season in life. I recommend 6-12 sessions at a minimum.

God wants us to forgive, love and have compassion even for those who have caused us the greatest amount of grief. Remember “Forgiveness is for ME, forgiveness sets ME free.” When a couple chooses a low-conflict divorce process, the healing process is much quicker and helps develop resiliency for the family for the long-run.

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Our helpful books available on Amazon:

Transitions Divorce® Prep Workbook

Family Divorce 101- A Guide to What Divorcing Families Should Know

Recover/Discover in God’s Word

Disclosure of Material Connection : I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR. Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Disclaimer: This is my personal blog. The opinions I express here do not necessarily represent those of my organization, Transitions Resource, LLC. The information I provide is on an as-is basis. I make no representations as to accuracy, completeness, suitability, or validity of any information on this blog and will not be liable for any errors, omissions, or delays in this information or any losses, injuries, or damages arising from its use.

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