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Prepare for Tough Questions When Telling Kids about Divorce
Tough Questions When Telling Kids About Divorce
In our last article we discussed the preparation parents should take prior to telling the kids and specific statements they should use when telling the kids about divorce, In this article we discuss how parents should prepare in advance for tough questions kids commonly ask, what these questions actually mean, and how best parents should answer them.
Common questions asked by children, their interpretation and appropriate answers include:
Q: Why did you stop loving Mommy/Daddy?
This actually means “If you could stop loving each other, will you stop loving me?” They need reassurance that your love for the children will never change
Q: Will you ever get back together?
Most children fantasize about their parents getting back together. Sometimes they think they can make this happen. Tell them clearly that you are not getting back together again. Let them know you understand their feelings, but it isn’t going to happen.
Q: Why did you break up our family?
Be honest without giving too much information or placing all the blame on one parent. Children do not understand adult relational issues and it is best to keep a united front.
Q: Do I have to go to Mom’s/Dad’s?
Yes, in order for healthy development children need time with both parents. Do not ask them to decide. Work together to resolve issues that are bothering them.
Q: Am I getting a new Mom/Dad?
No, parents are not replaceable. They need both of their parents. It is critical that each parent respect the child’s love for the other parent. They should never try to insert a new partner into the role of Mom or Dad. New partners can easily step into the roles of friend, coach, step-parent, or bonus mentor.
Q: Where will I live?
Parents should know in advance of the discussion and decide the living arrangements and parenting schedules ahead of time. Children should be given a chance to explore and get a feel for the new arrangements. Parent should make the new home comfortable and inviting for the children and try to have a private place for them at each home.
Other helpful tips:
- Provide an ongoing series of talks. Once is not enough.
- Ask them what divorce means and correct misconceptions.
- Describe a plan for spending time with each parent.
- Plan to talk in a few days and be available to your children.
- You don’t have to know all the answers and it is fine to admit it to them
- Make sure your motives are honorable and you are making decisions in the best interest of your children
- Make transitions between parents easy and positive.
Children need to be reassured that both parents love them and are going to be available. They need to be told they can continue to love everyone in the family.
More information covered in this live audio interview starting at 13:46 minutes https://www.spreaker.com/user/mindset/divorce-how-to-tell-the-kids
*This article is an excerpt from Family Divorce 101-Transitions Resource with express permission from contributors Marti Kitchens-Cobb, LMFT and Jeri Amann-Apple, LMFT, LCSW and their published/trademarked Children of Divorce Co-Parenting Seminar.
More information on this topic please buy our new book Family Divorce 101 -A Guide to What Divorcing Families Should Know or our book for Therapists: Family Divorce Therapy 101 -A Clinician’s Guide to Best Practices for Treating Families Pre/During/Post Divorce (Amazon)
For more divorce advice and cost-saving tips please buy our book Transitions Divorce® Prep Workbook
Disclosure of Material Connection : I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR. Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
The post Prepare for Tough Questions When Telling Kids about Divorce first appeared on Divorce Mediation Center.
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