Abusive Tactics in Divorcing Couples-Part 2 Verbal Abuse

Transitions Divorce® Prep Workbook contains information on how to avoid verbal abuse in divorce cases

In our previous post we addressed financial abuse in divorcing couples, today we will address verbal abuse and emotional abuse tactics that often occur in the litigated divorce court process. 

Verbal/Emotional Abuse includes: 

• Attacking spouses character in legal documents and proceedings with the Judge
• Making false slanderous unsubstantiated claims
• Manipulating family, friends, children, employers and court appointed officials such as a Guardian ad Litem and/or Forensic Child Psychologist with false claims and testimony
• Threatening to bankrupt the family to force spouse into agreeing to an unfair settlement agreement out of desperation
• Threatening and taking actions to take custody of children away from spouse
• Alienating and isolating spouse from their support system by manipulation of children, family, friends, employer and neighbors, etc…

How to Respond to Verbal/Emotional Abuse in Divorce: 

• Prepare and help realign the client with realistic expectations of verbal and mental tactics, educate them to expect unrealistic threats and teach them with practice how not to engage in worry or combative communication with abuser; to understand that often untruths are told in court and on documents as a legal strategy. Help diffuse the clients response by coaching detachment techniques and practicing boundary techniques when communicating with spouse, encouraging minimal communication by utilizing email and text messages instead of live conversations

• Under advisement of an Attorney, the spouse can obtain affidavits from family, friends and co-workers as evidence to refute any false and unsubstantiated claims

• Collection of custodial diaries and logs are documented evidence to support a proposed parenting plan and also refute false and unsubstantiated claims and minimize manipulation of court appointed officials. (In civil cases court rulings are not based on what is “said” but what is actually “proved” with evidence, therefore daily logs and testimonial affidavits can far outweigh slanderous comments).

• Insistence of a speedy mediation settlement to avoid threat of bankruptcy or new debt

The longer a couple lingers in the litigious divorce court process the greater the risk for these types of abuse to occur. Often the disadvantaged spouse will be forced to accept settlement agreements that are unfair and inequitable simply to halt the abuse. When at all possible, these families should seek out a Family Divorce Mediation Center and work with a Divorce Mediator to mediate a settlement as quickly as possible and avoid the divorce court process altogether.

More information on this topic in our upcoming publication available on Amazon.com after July 30, 2015 Family Divorce Therapy 101-A Clinician’s Guide to Best Practices for Treating Families Pre/During/Post Divorce 

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Disclaimer: This is my personal blog. The opinions I express here do not necessarily represent those of my organization, Transitions Resource, LLC. The information I provide is on an as-is basis. I make no representations as to accuracy, completeness, suitability, or validity of any information on this blog and will not be liable for any errors, omissions, or delays in this information or any losses, injuries, or damages arising from its use.