A Guide to What Divorcing Families Should Know

Today we discuss the common grieving of new divorcees and the benefits of a short-term targeted therapy plan to enhance quicker healing. Many individuals will feel that once the family has settled their divorce it is the “end” of their troubles when in fact the “closure” of the divorce settlement is actually the beginning of what can be a very challenging season in a Divorcee’s life. Having a very clear perspective of realistic expectations can greatly improve their resiliency through the healing process.

We tell our clients it will definitely get worse before it gets better. Well after the settlement the family will need help processing the changes taking place. As with any major change in life the death of the “happily-ever-after” dream brings with it traditional grieving associated with any substantial loss.

Another one of the key concerns most new Divorcees experience is the isolation caused by the change in their family structure. Having been one half of a couple for many years, being single again can be a frightening or lonely prospect. Support groups are an excellent way to acknowledge, share and validate common emotions of grieving and changes that are related to the divorce process.

While most support groups are member driven and are simply a sharing arena for one to vent about their ex-spouse, we encourage Divorcees seek instead a structured, professionally led processing group that can focus on processing grief but also encourage healing as well.

What and How do Divorcees Grieve ?

Following the well known theory of the Kubler-Ross grief model, a Divorcee can be in denial and disbelief and reluctant to believe that a spouse cheated or abused them, is addicted or whatever the root of the relational affliction is and believes they can still change their spouse.

A Divorcee may still be trying to reason and bargain to repair a permanently broken partnership “Why did they…?” “If I had only…”

A Divorcee may be stuck in anger or sadness from recognition of deceptions and secrets; from realization of the loss of the “happily ever after” dream; from a violation of their own expectations; a violation of their own personal morals and ethics; from an unexpected forced change in lifestyle and/or the shortcomings of a disappointing legal outcome.

A Divorcee may be fearful and anxious of the uncertainty of their future finances, future relationships, the loss of intimacy and especially the loss of control of how their children are doing when they are not with them.

How Do Divorcees Heal?

Divorce is no different than any other great loss. We have found that Divorcees that heal the quickest devote time to the following practices:

Acknowledging their grief, feeling the pain of loss and change and proactively working through this with the proper support (i.e. licensed professionals trained in grief therapy)

More information on this topic in our new book Family Divorce 101 -A Guide to What Divorcing Families Should Know or our book for Therapists:   Family Divorce Therapy 101 -A Clinician’s Guide to Best Practices for Treating Families Pre/During/Post Divorce (Amazon)

More divorce support, advice and tips in Transitions Divorce® Prep Workbook

Please follow us on Face Book and Twitter

Disclosure of Material Connection : I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR. Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Disclaimer: This is my personal blog. The opinions I express here do not necessarily represent those of my organization, Transitions Resource, LLC. The information I provide is on an as-is basis. I make no representations as to accuracy, completeness, suitability, or validity of any information on this blog and will not be liable for any errors, omissions, or delays in this information or any losses, injuries, or damages arising from its use.

The post The Importance of Post-Divorce Therapy first appeared on Divorce Mediation Center.